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Let Nothing You Dismay!

At last, due to lack of demand, we have assembled the Doubtful Palace's annual holiday songs into one tasty but indigestible package. Grab that leftover turkey leg, pour the last bit of flat champagne into that dirty mug, and take a nosedive into nostalgia, one year at a time. Hardened DoubtPalistas will know a few of these tunes, but, for reasons that will soon be abundantly clear, many of them have never been made available to the public before.
Mystery Fix, 2018. From the flop musical by Frank Loesser, based on the non-flop novel by B.J. Chute.
“Cow's not kneeling,” said Micah, alarmed.
“The bell is still ringing, Micah,” Gideon told him. “Don't be fearful. The cow will kneel.”
Mystery Fix, 2017. Heaven and earth shall flee away.
Shalmaneser, 2016. What on earth did we build in the meadow this time?
Mystery Fix, 2015. “That period of dystopia when the mood elevators flat line and the narcotics don't kick in, but the hopeful background music drones on and on in the shopper's purgatory.” —Will Puckett
Mystery Fix, 2014. Enough with the Christmas already – time to give New Year's Day some love. Anyone for Tennyson? Thanks to the one and only Rich Lesnik for the stellar saxophone!
Mystery Fix, 2013. They don't make rubber cigars like they used to.
Shalmaneser, 2012. Good king Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen / Turned his knickers inside out 'cause his bum was freezin' —British schoolchildren's version
Leonard Kringle, 2011. I understand that the Bengals have improved recently. Sorry, Bengals fans! And Leonard Cohen fans.
Conjure Wife, 2009. The Copper Family song, not the Mel Tormé song.
Mercaptan, 2008. It's not really that satanic. And you can still dance to it Peanuts-style.
Mercaptan, 2007. “The peasants believe that if a husband and wife sleep together on the 25th of March the child must be born on Christmas Eve – and this child will inevitably turn out to be a Kaous. Its habits? It circulates mostly after dark croaking over and over again: ‘Feathers or lead? Feathers or lead?’” —Lawrence Durrell, Reflections on a Marine Venus
Shalmaneser, 2006. Dutifully prime.
Mercaptan, 2005. Santa didn't bring us any Christmas song ideas this year. We understand – after all, there's a war on – but nevertheless, we were forced to shift our holiday attention to the vernal equinox. (If you want to know what Brother North-Wind's Secret is, you'll have to read this).
Tim Walters, 2004. eVVeeeVneineeinin,i iv v,,evveneeiin ini i imEEEmEmmmmmmmnanaaaneneuelue lll aaapapatppttiitvvitivuvivmumu uum s s sossslvooloellvl vvI eIIs IrIIsrrsarrraeellal lQllQ Quu QQuuui giii ee e mgegmimtit it tit i ii iine enexexieiiixliiliolioi ioo oo P irrivrvviaavivvatvutaautttts sus D DDe eiie ei e if iiifiliiiillooiiG oGoaG GGuGadaueue,de,, gaga aggguuadadeeeedd ! E E EEEmEmmmmaammnnamnannunneuulel e n nn ann nnnnccaaesstctteuetuttrur ru ppp pprpr oroto eeete,t,, ,ee ,I IIs rIrarrreereallaeelelelll.ll
Pledge Drive, 2003. From A Silent Night At The Opera. Kris Kringle! No! Do not give him coal! Special guest vocal appearance by One Of Each: Scott Adler, David Bender, Lisa Gallien, David Taylor (lead). David Hearst (guitar); Craig McFarland (bass); Chris Now (piano); Steve Rosenthal (drums); Tim Walters(spot vocals, recorder, sleigh bells). Lyrics by Steve and Tim.
Mercaptan, 2002. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Mercaptan by any other name would not. Make this version of Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming part of your fragrant Christmas. Craig McFarland (bass); Greg Robles (guitar); Tim Walters (etc.).
Mercaptan, 2001. Megan Lynch sings this terrific Franklin Bruno song.
Slaw, 2000. Yes, it's supposed to sound like that.
Pledge Drive, 1999. Hates Christmas. Loves Yule. A subtle but important distinction. Rebecca Marculescu (voice); Glenn Schoonmaker (guitar); Tim Walters (voice, etc.).
Pledge Drive, 1998. The one with all the time signature changes, not the one with the really syrupy tune. Rebecca Marculescu (voice); Tim Walters (instruments).
Slaw, 1997. This one also has lots of time signature changes. For that matter, it has the same personnel. So why is it a different band? Long story. Don't worry about it. Rebecca Marculescu (voice); Tim Walters (instruments).
The Damnation Army, 1996. This song would later turn up (in a rather different arrangement) on Pledge Drive's I Gave At The Office album. This is the original version, recorded live in the studio the day it was written. Kevin Turner (bass); Michael Van Landingham (drum); Cory Verbin (organ); Tim Walters (“voice”).
Conjure Wife, 1995. A dark and slightly confused Yuletide nightmare. It has something to do with the Fisher King. Maybe. Mike Freitas (drums); Leigh Ann Hussey (voice, fiddle); Tim Walters (dulcimer, synthesizer).
Circular Firing Squad, 1994. We come in peace. Please don't sue us.
Slaw, 1993. The very first Doubtful Palace holiday track. If you've made it this far, our congratulations. Or our sympathies. Take your pick.